A Story of Balance

For me this blog is about getting the balance back. I have been inspired by my best friend, Tashi to follow my heart. To put my thoughts (even the crazy ones) into words for all to see! Obviously, I am a little wary at how this may be interpreted by some... But, sometimes you just have to take risks, or so I'm told.

The title, "The Monarch Effect" has come from the theory, The flap of a butterfly’s wing is said to cause a hurricane on the other side of the world.... Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and yet it is not always immediate and sometimes it's hard to make the connection. But, basically, everything happens for a reason.

“This journey is one of Faith, trusting in the dream and following a passion beyond all obstacles. A true journey of the heart is wrought with life lessons, some very painful, that clear the mind of impurities, for it is in the heart where our universal Truth find its place and voice.”

So this, my very first blog, is about my life. The journey, or in Swahili, "Safari," the life lessons - the fun ones and the painful ones... Everything. The raw emotion of life.


Today, I had an amazing conversation with a great friend who I admire deeply. We talked about true happiness, the stuff that makes each of us tick, the love and passions in life, the things that bring us peace and make us feel.... like we belong.

I have lost my passion, I am bored and restless and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. But, I am happy. Not in the true sense of being fulfilled, but I am happy. I mean I laugh, I have fun, I joke... thats happy, right? But it's not enough anymore. I have accomplished goals, but they aren't MY goals. I have so many goals... DREAMS... is it even possible to live out all your dreams? How do you know which dreams to follow? And doesn't life get in the way and get lived while you are making these decisions?

The truth is, I have had a wake up call recently. One of those huge life changing things that makes you realise life doesn't go on forever. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Life... changes. Babies are born, people move in and out of our lives, people die... babies die. There is nothing certain in our lives, nothing we can rely on or hold onto. Nothing. No one. We are on our own. All of us, together, but alone.

So, of course the only real solution to all of this soul searching is to go overseas. Eat, Pray, Love style. (Don't groan, the book is WAY better then the movie.) Except, I have (of course) found some obsticles to this apparent solution to all my problems. First of all, WHERE do I go? I mean I want to go to Africa, I always have and I will get there one day, BUT is it really safe for me to go alone? Because I will be alone, this is something that has to be done alone, right? Even if I wanted to go with someone, there is no one... But THAT is a whole new story! Which brings me to my next point, I will be alone, so... thats pretty scary. In fact it's enough to make me think I don't really need to go at all. That takes me back to square one, the daily grind in a Pet Shop. (More rewarding and less fun then you imagine.) Now I digress, or I did about an hour ago. Anyway, I think I need to settle on a destination before I can make any more plans. My first choice is Italy... A place to feed the soul. Or France, a place to feed the heart, or starve it! The city of love, alone, is that wise? (To be honest, I don't think it would bother me that much.) But then what do I do when I'm there and how long do I stay? If I was going to Africa, it would be for at least 1 month to do volunteer work, but this isn't about working... or is it? Working on my mind maybe. Learning to live with me, to be at peace and comfortable in my own company. I thought I was already there. I love being alone, I am comfortable with my thoughts, decisions and actions. Maybe it's not about "finding" me, maybe it's about discovering what I am capable of?

I don't know the reason, I don't understand the purpose, but, I know I need to do this. It's just a matter of taking the first step. Making the first move. Being fearless. Or maybe this whole idea is just my mind trying to fill a void.... And back around for another full loop. Yes, I analyse, everything.

Contrary to thought, this has not helped to clear my mind at all! And unlike my dear dedicated friend, Tash, I can't promise I will write everyday.

So, until next time,
"Be the change you want to see in the world."

Jessie