Random ramblings of a crazy woman!

Ok, so this may be a little bit random, but do you ever wonder what other people's stories are? Like when you are out in public, whether it be at the shops, a restaurant, night club, beach or just anywhere and think about the possibilities of what could be happening in the lives of those around you?

I also wonder about dead people, how did they die? Why? Who was with them? What sort of life did they lead? Did they know they were dying and then, how did they cope? And most importantly what are their details so I can erase them out of the phone book? (Maybe the last bit isn't true... or maybe it is.) Anyway, enough about dead people, I seem to be one of very few people who have a fascination with them. Don't get me wrong, they scare the beejeebers out of me, I'm not COMPLETELY weird!

So, back to the living. I was out with a few friends not so long ago when I came across a girl in tears. This in itself is not unusual in the city nightlife scene I was in, but there was something about this girl. Maybe it was the copious amounts of alcohol I had ingested pushing my motherly instincts to insist I go to this girls aid, or maybe it was the genuine sadness in her eyes... I don't know, but whatever the reason, I met a very interesting young lady that night.

Her name is Jodie and she had been out partying with a group of her friends, celebrating her boyfriends birthday. They were all fairly drunk and enjoying life, as most people do, when Jodie had become upset. Her ever-caring (NOT) boyfriend, Cameron, had decided she was ruining his night so he and all their friends started to ignore her and kept partying on. Jodie managed to slip away from them unnoticed, I doubt that would have been very hard...  But here she was, drunk, upset and trying to find a cab. Maybe I'm being too judgemental towards her friends. Maybe it's because I know the story as to why Jodie was so upset. Or maybe letting a drunk and upset friend disappear by herself in the middle of the city goes against my beliefs.

It turns out Jodie's mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her parents had sat her down that very day to explain everything to her and her brother. They had explained that it was inoperable, that the cancer had spread throughout her body and she had only months to live. Her parents delivered this information as best as they could, trying to protect Jodie and her brother, but at the same time, trying to give them all the facts. Jodie, in her drunken state was still in awe at how brave her mum had been but devastated that she didn't even notice the changes in her parents. After a long family meeting, Jodie had said she would be staying home with her family instead of going out with her friends as planned. Her mum insisted she go, she told Jodie staying home wouldn't help... it wouldn't fix it and it wouldn't change the situation. Her mum encouraged her to live her life to the fullest, because you never know when it would be over. Her mum WANTED her to go.

A very brave Jodie managed to pull herself together to go out and celebrate with her friends. She hadn't told a soul about her mum... it wasn't right to tell her boyfriend on his birthday and she wasn't ready to share her burden yet anyway. Unfortunately after a dash of alcohol, Jodie was unable to contain her tears any longer and instead of being surrounded by loving and supportive friends, they deserted her in her time of need.

Now, anyone that knows me, would know that by this stage I had almost smothered and squeezed the life out of this poor girl. There was no way she was escaping my nurturing cuddles! And there was no way I was going to let her cry alone... Or maybe I had no choice in the matter and the salty water was running down my cheeks whether I liked it or not. This, I might add, has NOTHING to do with my drinking. I'm a sympathetic cryer.

After calming Jodie down and having a good chat about how wonderful her mum is, I managed to get her in a cab, safely on her way home. After waving goodbye, I realised a few things....

NEVER make assumptions about people.
ALWAYS have time for people in need.
WHERE the f*ck were my friends?
And waterproof mascara was a marketing ploy.

This situation with Jodie made me remember the last few times I had been out in public after hearing bad news and being upset. The first time, I had just learnt of my Uncle's sudden passing. My mum had called me (She was living in Brisbane and I was living at Mooloolaba.) in tears telling me that he was gone. I don't know why, but my reaction was very detached. Maybe I was in shock, or didn't believe it... I don't know, but I do know that my Uncle and I had been very close and he was still so young. We shared the same interests and spent days talking about decorating the house with Christmas lights then we would go on Christmas lights tours with him driving the bus for the oldies or the special kids. We also went to the zoo together and played practical jokes on everyone we could. He was an awesome man, a great Uncle and a loyal friend.

After hearing this news, I went on with my day as normal as possible. Obviously I kept thinking about it and every time my mind flicked back to the news, my heart would race a little bit more. My chest was starting to feel heavy and the sinking feeling in my heart and stomach was making me feel sick. I realised I had been aimlessly wandering around the supermarket, not concentrating and not actually shopping. So, I grabbed a few urgent things and headed to the register. This is where I found myself in trouble. Standing in a line without anything to occupy my mind was very hazardous. This is when I felt my eyes start to sting. This is when I knew it was real. This was really happening, my Uncle was really gone. I would never have the chance to say goodbye to him, to talk to him one more time, to hear anymore of his funny stories....

I don't know how, but I managed to keep the tears at bay. Luckily the checkout chick was so disappointed in her own life that she didn't even realise I was a person, let alone a person on the brink of a public balling session. The strangest part is, after that near public display it took me up until the funeral to be able to cry.


The next time I had a "situation" was when I was told I may have cancer. Not many people know this, but I had been having what were assumed to be allergic reactions to.... nothing in particular. They had been happening randomly and getting worse each time until one reaction affected my airway. I thought maybe it was time to see a Doctor. Basically, I was put on steroids and anti-histamines and had to wait for a specialist to see me. They ranked me as urgent so it only took a couple of months to get into the hospital. My G.P's instructions were "don't die waiting. If you have a reaction, get to hospital. With the progression and severity being shown in your attacks somewhere in the next 3 to 5 reactions, you will stop breathing." We had to work out an emergency plan for work and home and I had to have medication on me at all times.... I didn't think it was THAT serious.

The specialist I saw was just an absolute delight. A real charming older man with the personality of a sponge. When he read my case he acted like the whole thing was my fault because I worked with pets. However, after many tests, appointments, questions, poking, prodding and head scratching he decided that it couldn't be an allergic reaction but there was something causing my body to react as if I was allergic. And something was making me look yellow and have enlarged lymph nodes. It started to get a little bit crazy when I was sitting in my backless gown, freezing to death (lucky I kept my socks on) while 3 doctors argued over what could be wrong with me. It was kinda like an episode of House. They spoke as if I wasn't there and started throwing around the "C" bomb. I actually don't remember a lot of what was said after this, but I do know they were testing me for cancer markers.

It was quite a long wait from being given this information and having the tests done to when I actually got the results. At first I thought they were being ridiculous. I was fine, hadn't had an episode in ages... at least two weeks, and I was feeling ok. But after eventually telling my parents what was going on, I took my cue from them and started to get a bit anxious. Don't get me wrong, they were the most supportive and positive people I could have asked for, but I also knew they were worried.

As I left the hospital alone, I was in my own world, a million miles away. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't think and to be honest I probably shouldn't have been driving. I only realised how bad I was when I pulled into the servo to get petrol... I ALWAYS run out of petrol at the worst times! I think this is the day I started to be loyal to Shell service stations. I had never paid too much attention before, but I can tell you now, EVERY time I step foot into a Shell servo, I am greeted with a friendly, bubbly and genuinely interested employee. On this particular day I remember the employee asking the usual questions and I could barely reply, so I kept my head down and gave short mumbled replies. As this lovely lady was handing me my change, she grabbed my hand in hers, looked me in the eye and asked if I was really ok... I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and she said, "it's ok to lean on people sometimes." This lady, this stranger had no idea what was going on in my life, nor did she ask for details, she just wanted me to know that people care and people notice. But the reality is most people don't notice...

The good news is I don't have cancer. Well, apparently it's wrong of me to say that (says Dr Personality-of-a-sponge) But I argued with him that I am cancer free unless proven otherwise! It turns out I am allergic to dogs, cats, cows, horses, guinea pigs, dust, dust mites... I don't remember what else. But it is a developed minor allergy, nothing to explain the reactions I was having. The cause is still unknown, but as long as I feel ok and all my test results have been good, I'm not worried about it at all.

But my point is this: Don't judge people, you have no idea what is going on in their lives. No idea at all. But wouldn't it be great to know????


Jessie